I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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