Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
