this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
