i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
