i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
