Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
