She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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