I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
