What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
