omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
