I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
