i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
