we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
