would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
