My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize