that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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