Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
