Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize