im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
