so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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