Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
