omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
