If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
