All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
