I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
