things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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