while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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