I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
