Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't deserve a penis
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
