i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
