we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't deserve a penis
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
