it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize