so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
