was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
