I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
