Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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