I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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