I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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