Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
