I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
