Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize