I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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