my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
