you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
