the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
