We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
