I accidentally burped into my bong.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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