Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
