I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize