I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize