just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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