Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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