was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
