get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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