I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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