I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
