Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
