I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
