Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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