i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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