he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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