I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
