he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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