I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
