I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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