let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize