garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
