somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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