They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
