Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
