Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize