i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
