another moral hangover. fuck.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize