Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Me too!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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