Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
