maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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