i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
