I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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