The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
