I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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