I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
