i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
