How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
