I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
