i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
