I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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