My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
