so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I AM VODKA MAN
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
