i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
