I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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