My nipple is on Facebook.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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