I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
