So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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