On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
