i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize