fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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