Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
