he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
