I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
