i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
